Diary of a sleep deprived mother!
‘My child is a little angel! He has a bath every night, we read a story, I tuck him into bed, kiss goodnight, he rolls over and falls asleep!’ was a sentence I frequently used with great pride to describe to my friends how we have mastered the bedtime routine. When it came to us talking about our children sleeping through the night in their own beds, I remained conveniently silent…. Because although yes my son really was an angel at going to bed, when it came to staying in his own bed all night he turned into the other little creature with spiky horns and a long tail!
We hear them creep into our bedrooms in the middle of the night and subconsciously shuffle right onto the edge of the bed to create space for them (and 10 other soft animals that they bring in with them!!) because after all, we need to get a good sleep as we have that ‘really important meeting at work tomorrow’. Or they were so good all day yesterday that they can stay in our bed as a ‘little treat’. There comes a time in every parent’s life when the excuses finally run out and we find the courage and energy to embark on a journey that we are never really sure how long it would be; a journey to find our beloved sleep again; and our sanity!!
‘No point delaying the agony…’ I tell myself one day as I finally talk myself into accepting that today would be THE day.
Day 1
It is always good to start this on a Friday… At least that way you can spend the next two days, when you look like a zombie and trying to co-ordinate your legs to go one in front of the other, in hiding.
I go to bed at 10.30pm anticipating an eventful night; and sure enough after what barely feels like a few minutes’ sleep, I hear soft patter of little feet on the carpet and my bedroom door opening… 1.25am… Time to rock’n’roll!
I pick up my son, walk back into his bedroom with him and without saying a single word I put him back into his bed. All the time he is repeating ‘Mummy I want to go to your bed’ like a little mantra; only his voice is getting more and more loud and anxious each time. I am walking out of his bedroom and he is following me crying. I pick him up again, carry him into his bedroom and put him in his bed…. I am walking out… he is following me… we repeat the cycle again. Eight times! By this time, he is having a full on tantrum, kicking and screaming, throwing himself back in my arms.
I give in and start talking to him, trying to reason with him…. Like you do, with a tantrumming 2-year old! Needless to say this doesn’t work.
So I try threatening…. ‘If you don’t stay in your bed, you are never ever having any more treats. EVER!!’ He really couldn’t care less right now!
It is 2.45am and I am becoming desperate so I reduce down to begging and promising… ‘Please go back to your bed and mummy will buy you a present in the morning.’ (Yes by this time I have forgotten that he is supposedly never EVER to have any treats again!) Nope, no joy!
By 3.20am I am realising one thing; he is slowly running out of energy and wearing himself out as the screams are now turning into wails. AND he has now been in his bed for the whole of 5 minutes. After another 15 minutes he has completely exhausted himself.
It is 3.45am… 2 hours and 20 minutes later he is finally asleep! Is it too early for a glass of wine???
Day 2
OK so I know what to expect now… The problem is so does my son! It takes me a while to get to sleep as I am awaiting the kick-off any minute now.
12.55am… here come the footsteps and opening of my bedroom door. Off we go again!
The screams go straight to the loudest point and full on tantrum arrives pretty quickly as he is now fully aware of what is about to happen.
Having learnt from my previous night’s mistakes, I completely scrap the reasoning, threats and begging… I just go through the motions.
At 1.30am he is finally staying in his bed although still screaming. I am sat in my bed wondering how many unpleasant names my neighbours have called me by now! ‘Hi I’m Nemo, I live in…. BANG!!!’ Yep, that was poor talking Nemo being launched across the room and crashing against the wall. Shortly followed by George the Pig… and Peppa… and Gruffalo… ‘MUMMYYYYYYYYY I WANT MY FRIENDS BAAAAAAACK!!!’ So I patiently get up and go and collect all of my son’s ‘friends’ and put them back in bed with him.
1.50am ‘MUMMYYYYYY I NEED A WEEEEE WEEEEE!!!’ I patiently get out of bed again to take him to the toilet. Only by this point the clever little monkey is realising what gets my attention… ‘MUMMYYYYYY I WANT A DRIIIIIINK!!!’ ‘NO!!! YOU CAN HAVE ONE IN THE MORNING!!!!’ Enough is enough!
At 2.15am, when it goes quiet, I am wondering if I have gone deaf or if he really has gone to sleep.
So that took 1 hour and 20 minutes… Wow a whole hour less than last night… I feel like giving myself a high five!
Day 3-5
These are the hardest as I am now back at work and the sleep deprivation really is beginning to have a negative effect on me (and subsequently on my work colleagues as I am not a pleasant person to be around right now!)
The ‘routine’ however, is pretty similar each night and usually tends to commence between 12 and 1am. We play a few chasing games, followed by a tantrum, followed by orders being shouted at me (‘I need a wee’, ‘I need a drink’, ‘I’m hungry’, ‘I’m cold’, ‘I want a cuddle’, ‘Someone’s going to get me’ – yes he tries to pull on my heart strings in many ways!), followed by sleep through exhaustion. The only thing that keeps me going and prevents me from completing that holiday booking for 1 adult somewhere far away that I have been googling these past few days is the fact that it seems to be taking less and less time each night.
Day what feels like 185
I’m getting slowly used to the lack of sleep… I now only require half the caffeine intake to get me through the day.
‘Mummyyyy…’ At 2.10am I hear a little voice calling me… I go into my son’s bedroom and realise his pillow fell on the floor which is why he was shouting me. ‘Will you look after me in my bedroom mummy?’ ‘No sweetheart, mummy is very tired and needs to go to bed. But I’m not far away and will leave your door open.’ There are no tears, tantrums or arguments… I’m sorry but who are you and what have you done with my son???
Day 7
My alarm goes off at 6.15am and I stretch out in my bed wondering what this niggly feeling inside me is… And then I realise… Never in my life have I moved so fast as I jump out of my bed racing into my son’s bedroom convinced that aliens have landed in the night abducting my baby! As I run in, I look at his peaceful gorgeous face fast asleep in his bed looking every inch that little angel again. I feel like doing a full-on victory dance right there and then!!!!
The biggest learning curve throughout this experience has been not giving in. There were times when my heart was shattering in a thousand pieces and all I wanted to do was give my little boy a big cuddle and snuggle up in my bed with him; but I stuck with it no matter how hard it was as the bigger picture in my head included both me and him getting a good night sleep, setting boundaries and teaching my child rules. And now that I have that routine instilled in him, there are occasions when I can do this, i.e. when he is poorly, without it having a detrimental effect or setting him back in any way. I still sometimes think back to those dark days when I was that tired I couldn’t even string a sentence together… but it was the best thing I could have done for both me and my son.
